Angel/Devil

OK, so in November I decided that I was going to join Weight Watchers and loose some weight. I did really well for a minute and lost 20 lbs. Then I slacked. I didn't do anything over the holidays and just started again three weeks ago. I weighed in and luckily I hadn't put the twenty pounds back on. I stayed the same. For the last two weeks I have been getting up every morning at 5:40am and going to work out. One of the ladies in town has made her downstairs a gym and there are about 8 of us that go and work out every morning. Since doing this I have lost 8 lbs. So, I have two more pounds to go and I will have lost 30 lbs since November. This all sounds really good huh? Well, I watch the Biggest Looser and they loose 30 lbs in 2 weeks. I watch all these people that have surgery and they are so skinny so fast. I have contemplated having surgery but my husband says it is unnecessary and doesn't want me to have it. Today when my alarm went off at 5:40am I groaned. I felt like I had the devil sitting on one shoulder saying just roll over and go back to bed. It is cold outside and you hate the cold. Tevita is so warm and you don't want to leave him. You can always go again on Monday, just take today off. You are sore from yesterday. You are tired and really don't want to go. On the other shoulder was the angel saying you need to go. Why give up and not go? You can go back to bed after you get the kids off to school. You need to keep loosing weight and it's not going to come off on its own. You want to live long to see your grandkids. You can wear a jacket and you're not that cold for too long. You must conquer that devil!!! So, reluctantly I got myself up out of bed and headed for the journey of weight loss. It is so discouraging that I have to go through this every morning. Will it ever stop??? I look to those girls at workout to help me get through this. So much of me wants to say I give up because it is such a long journey and I wonder if I will ever get to the size I want to. I know I will never be super skinny and that is not what I want. I just want to be healthy for my family and I want to walk into any kind of store and put on a pair of jeans and have them fit me. I just don't understand why I know what I want and I know what I have to do but it is so hard. Growing up I never dared eat. I was always worried that my "friends" were making fun of me and saying that I shouldn't eat because I was already fat. In fact, I could name quite a few of them that I remember their comments still to this day. I have been to several weight loss experts and they all say the same thing...you have to eat or you'll never loose weight. But still to this day I hear those comments so it is a constant battle of eating all my points. Why does this have to be so hard??? I know that everything in life is hard and we have to stay strong, but sometimes I just feel like giving in to that devil and throwing my hands in the air and giving up. Then I have somebody say something like put a picture of what you want to look like and look at it whenever you want to give up. Or somebody saying "Good job! Keep it up!" and it makes me want to keep going. I know I can't do this alone so to my friends that keep encouraging me, I thank you. Please know that your kind words are what is getting me through this journey. I want to listen to the angel and not the devil and hopefully I will be successful:)