Journal post

This post is mainly for the purpose of my journal so feel free to skip right over this one:)
Lately I have been reading some really good books that have me thinking a lot. I have laughed, cried, and felt angry at times. They have really made me look at my life and my family and where I am at right now. I also have a very close friend that I admire so much that inspires me often. Sometimes I feel like I am not good enough. I feel like I need to be doing so much more. Then I look at my adorable children and know that I need to be doing much more. I am responsible for these young kids. I am responsible for teaching them what is right and wrong. I am responsible for teaching my son how important it is to open a door for somebody and teaching my girls how to accept a compliment without letting it get to their heads or teaching them how to wash dishes and laundry and making their beds. I am responsible to teach them answers to tough questions. I am responsible for teaching them about the gospel. When I first met Tevita I thought I would never be good enough for him. He was so strong in the gospel. He would come to our house and read scriptures and have prayer with us. He would call me from Alaska and talk for hours on end. He taught me so much about the gospel and he had the strongest testimony. When he asked me to marry him I was in shock. I didn't know what to say. When I finally said yes I couldn't believe that I was going to marry this man! Over the last 11 years I have learned so much from him. I still look at him and wonder how I was so lucky to get him. There are times even now that I feel like he deserves somebody so much better than me. He works hard for our family. Our kids have grown up with the kids at our job. If Tevita can't make it to something that our kids are doing (basketball, wrestling, baseball, etc) then he makes it a point to do an activity at work so he can be there. While I have been reading these books, they have pointed out how life is so short and how we shouldn't take things for granted. They have made me miss my mom. They have made me look at where I am today and ask myself, "if I were to die tomorrow would I be happy with how things are now?" The answer is no. I haven't taught my kids all that I want to. I haven't been the best wife for Tevita. I haven't been the best sister to Jaquel and Justin, and I haven't been the best daughter to my dad. Have I prepared my family as much as I can? No. Is there more that I can do? Yes. Have I read the Book of Mormon as much as I should? No. Have I done enough good? No. All these things are going around in my head and I don't know where to start. So, I sat down and wrote this blog in hopes to try to get some things out. I want to do better. I want to teach my kids all that I can. I want to be the best wife ever. I want to study the scriptures more and I want to be more Christ Like. Satan is going to try to stand in the way and it is up to me to fight him. More than anything I want a journal for my kids to read when I die. I want them to know how much I love their dad. He is my best friend. I want them to know how much I love them and would do anything in the world for them. I want them to know that life is not easy and all we can do is our best, but we have to give it 110%. I want them to know that we have to try our hardest at everything we do. I want them to look at their dad and I and know that we love each other deeply. I want them to know that we can make it through anything if we stay close to our family. I want them to always stay close to the Church and never stray. I want them to know that they can talk to Tevita and I about anything. I want to take more time thanking people for the good and not dwelling on the past and negative. Basically what I am trying to say is that I need to work on being a more positive person and be more Christ Like. We never know when are lives are going to come to an end. We never know if today is our last so my goal is to live as though each day is my last. I hope this will help me become a better person, wife, mom, sister, and daughter. I love that song "If I only had today" and that is my motto for this year. I love you Vita and kids, without you I don't know where I would be.